How many times do you hear someone say, "I can't"?  Those are my least favorite words in the whole English language.  They carry with them sentiments such as, "I give up", "I'll never be good enough", "there is no hope", "I'm not going to even try," or sometimes even, "I'm worthless."

As a piano teacher, and as a mom, I dread hearing the words "I can't" come out of the mouth of a child.  Since this is a music studio blog, I'll address this from the piano teacher's perspective, though. 

When a beginning student hires me to teach them to play the piano, they are asking me to teach them something new.  Something they are currently unable to do on their own.  But something in their mind believes they can learn it, or else they wouldn't have even called me.  Therefore, it is important that they continue to believe they can learn each required skill along the way throughout their lessons.  Sometimes, it's my job to teach in such a way that nothing ever seems impossible.  Other times, it's the student's job to just believe that "they can."

One of my favorite children's books is "The Little Engine That Could."  You know the story.  It  was a tiny little engine who had to pull a big train over the hill. All the way up the big hill, the engine told himself, "I think I can!  I think I can!"  It's a cute little book with a huge life message in it for kids.  So much in life is all about our attitude.  This is very important in music.  A student who gives up when they run into a difficult technical skill.....well, gives up.  They're just done.   However, the student who believes, "If I try hard enough, I can master this" will go very far.

So, how do I handle the "I can't" attitude in lessons?  This kind of depends on the age and maturity of the student.  Sometimes, I pull out their very first book and have them play the very first "song" they ever played (which is usually not even on the staff yet).  Then we compare that to the most recent piece of music they mastered, and discuss how they came to be able to play that when they didn't even so much as know their finger numbers when they started lessons.  Other times, it only takes this simple statement, "Yes, I agree.  Right now, at this very moment, you can't [play that trill] very well.  But we're going to work on it, and try different things.  And, with time, it will get better and better."  With young students, I sometimes have to get more creative, though.  Here's an example of how I recently responded to "I can't" with a young beginner.

A young boy had looked ahead in his book, and was clearly distressed about the fact that the staff was most likely going to be introduced in this lesson.  So much so, that he was actually disappointed that he passed all of his songs and was "getting" to move ahead in the book.  Several times, he turned to a page with notes on the staff and told me, "I can't do that."  Reasoning with him in any of my usual ways was, clearly, not going to have any impact on him.  So, in a desperate attempt to overcome this, I pulled out a blank piece of paper, and asked him to write the words, "I can't" in big letters.   Then, I asked him to carry the piece of paper out of my teaching studio and I escorted him to the receptionist's desk.  We placed the piece of paper under a book so nobody could see it.  Then, I told him, "Ok.  Now the words 'I can't' are going to stay out here.  You don't get to take them back into my studio.  They are not allowed in your lessons."   Of course, being quick on his feet, as he sometimes is, he says "What about 'I can not'?  Can I say that?"  I laughed and said, "No, sir.  You may not."   But he got the message.  And we spent the rest of the lesson learning about the staff and the bass clef sign, and even played a short five-finger song.....reading from that staff.  And he was proud of his accomplishment.  As he left his lesson, I stopped him at the receptionist's desk and pulled out the piece of paper with those word, "I can't" on them.  I had him tear up the piece of paper (his mom watching in amusement the whole time) and throw it in the trash.  Then, I ended the lesson with, "There!  Now you can't use those words at home, either.  When something is difficult, you just try real hard until you get it right."  He left with a big smile and his usual, "Thank you Mrs. Brown."

What did that boy learn in his lesson that day?  Yes, he did learn that this thing called a staff has five lines and four spaces.  And that the bass clef sign looks like half of a heart and it's job is to show us where F is.  And he learned how to find his left hand C position notes of the bass staff.  But I hope that, more than that, he learned that nothing is too difficult if you try hard enough.  And new ideas really aren't that scary if you trust you're teacher to only give you what you can handle at once (we discussed this a bit after we got rid of "I can't"). 

I encourage you, as a teacher or a student, to replace the untrue statement of "I can't" with true statement, like, "This is really difficult", "This is going to take a lot of extra work", "I've never done this before", "I need some help figuring this out", etc.  It's ok to acknowledge a challenge.  But don't ever give up.

The most common question a private music instructor will hear from a parent is, "How do I get my child to practice?".....or something to that effect.  To answer that question, the parent and/or teacher must first figure out why the student isn't practicing.  Here are two scenarios, which are both dealt with in very different ways.

I recently had a parent call me with concern about her daughter.  She didn't want her to quit, but she seemed to have lost interest and simply would not practice.  I agreed to talk with the student.  At the next lesson, I mentioned the conversation with the girl.  Her response to me consisted of ramblings about how her binders would not fit in her locker at school.  This student's loss of interest in practicing piano clearly had nothing to do with the piano, itself.  She is a 7th grade girl who was merely overwhelmed with the adjustment to middle school.  My solution to her lack of commitment to practice was this:  "Let's make a deal.  I know you're trying to figure out this whole middle school thing, and that can be very overwhelming.  So, until January, I will never give you more than two songs to work on at a time (she's been in lessons little more than a year).  And I would like you to commit to just 20 minutes of practice each day, instead of 30-45."  She was thrilled at this thought!  And I saw an immediate turnaround in her attitude.  It can be such a relief to a student to learn that their music teacher empathizes with the daily struggles of their life.  Any time a student is going through a significant life change, there will also be a change in their practice and performance.  They will either become distracted from the music, or will completely pour their stress and emotions into it.  Either way, I must take the time to notice and to adjust accordingly.

Another student (a percussion student of another teacher) is consistently negligent of her practice time.  The only time she works really hard is when there is a significant performance or audition approaching....and it's even sporadic then.  This student is extremely intelligent and musically gifted.  In everyday life, she is a very responsible and organized child.  She just won't practice regularly.  This student's lack of attention to practice is dealt with completely differently.  You see, she is a middle school band student who is far more gifted than the average teenager.  Therefore, while other students must practice diligently to master the middle school level music, she can sightread it.  In her mind, there is no need to practice if she can already play the music better than everyone else.  This is tricky in middle school, because it is difficult to have any freedom to challenge a gifted student in a middle school band class.  So, it must fall on a private instructor.  To overcome this challenge, the instructor must find extra performance opportunites for the student......ones that will require her to learn more advanced skills.  It's also important to continually remind her that the band music will become more interesting and challenging in high school.  Encouraging this student to participate in competitions and to audition for things like all-region band will also help.  Another helpful tip is to be very specific with what you expect of their practice time.  Write it down in a book of some sort.   It's a misnomer that the weaker students are the most challenging ones to teach.  Many times, it's the extremely talented student who consistently challenges the teacher.  This student is constantly at risk of quitting due to boredom.

Teaching music requires much more than just listening to a student play their assignment and correcting their mistakes.  A lot of attention must be paid to getting to know and understand each student you are working with.